Day Nine: Good Bye Elementary School, Hello Junior High!

Hard to believe it's Day Nine, already.  In all honesty, this has been pretty darn easy.  Incidentally, the hardest part has been remembering to write in this blog.  Thankfully it doesn't have to be every day.  Even more importantly, and just as thankfully, it doesn't have to be interesting, either.  Whew!  Yesterday was the last day of my mini vacation, or vacay, as some like to call it.  I don't call it that.  If I did, I would immediately follow it up with the gouging out of my own eyes.  Don't even get me started with "totes".  I absolutely can't stand it.  Fo' reals.

  

I  slept in a bit, read for awhile, and framed the M-22 poster I bought in Traverse City (more on this fascinating subject, later).  Overall, it was a pretty relaxing day.  Later that evening, I headed to the boy's elementary school for their 6th grade graduation.  I knew I would enjoy it, that I wouldn't miss it for the world, but I had no idea it would affect me as much as it did.  The majority of the program was a musical performance where the kids sang a few of their favorite songs from past concerts.  I love to watch the boys awkwardly move to the choreographed dances, all knees and elbows, mumbling and stumbling through the words as they do their best to remember them.  A little uncomfortable and a bit afraid to really enjoy themselves.  Ah, the joys of being prepubescent.  Unique in the way they express themselves, but alike in the way they melt my heart.  6th grade!  How did this happen?  I hate to sound cliche, but it truly does seem like such a bitter-sweet short time ago that I held them in my arms for the first time, all at once understanding what "love at first sight" really meant.  And I did.  I absolutely loved them the minute I set eyes on them.  So tiny, sweet, and innocent; and so very perfect.  It's no secret that I wanted to be a mother more than anything in the world.  Sure, I'll play along and agree that it still could happen, but it's doubtful.  Looking at my niece and nephews (one girl and five boys), I think God knew.  I think he always knew.  It's the only way to explain how I could get this lucky.  I love them all as much as a person possibly can, without being their mother.  They are the center of my universe.  And somehow, they seem to really love me back.  Being "Auntie" is truly one of the greatest, if not the greatest joys in my life.  Oh, the hugs and giggles and conversations; the sleepovers and movie nights.  All of it.  Every little bit of it.  God had to know.  That's why he filled my life up with so much love from all these little ones (some not so little, anymore).  He was making up for it.  And I'm so very grateful.  My cup of love runneth over.

I sat there listening, waiting to hear their name called to come up and receive their certificate, and all at once, out of nowhere, it hit me.  6th grade?  Next year Junior High??  Was it all going to end?!?!  NO!  I'm not ready!  What if I haven't been a good enough Auntie?  I need time to make up for it!  I need more time to play with them and really listen to them and to really make it about them.  I can't give up my snuggling on the couch, the sweet hugs that I am already having to squeeze out of them, and their wanting to come over to Auntie's house to play video games and The Bermuda Triangle. The last time they came over they wanted to play The Bermuda Triangle, but I said No.  I should have said Yes!  How will I ever be able to accept it and let it go?  There isn't much choice, I know.  It is what it is and it will be what it will be.  Even though Bubba assured me last night on the drive over to the restaurant (he wanted to ride with Auntie, in her car) that even when he's 17, he will still want to cuddle with me, it's going to happen.  Hell, it's happened before with my niece and her brother, and it's been beyond hard.  I know it has to change and I know I can't fight it.  "Complete acceptance of what is", as Eckhart says.  How do I accept it?  Relax.  Be present in every single moment, and cherish my time with them.  Life is short, yes, but it's also very, very long.  There are many a summer days ahead.  Plenty of time to play.  Plenty of time to still be "Auntie".  Sitting in the restaurant after the ceremony, that's just what we did.  We laughed and told stories, made silly faces and took pictures, and simply just enjoyed one another.